dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
