I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
