My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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