she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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