do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
