i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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