The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
