she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
