Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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