this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
