Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
