soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm both gender and math confused
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
