I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
