Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
