im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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