We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
