You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
