From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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