I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i've created a new STD.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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