I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
