And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My ass is underappreciated
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
