whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
