Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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