i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
