I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
