i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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