His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Someone came in the potted fern
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
