i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
