explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
