Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She's like a pop up book from hell.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
