Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
