I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
