respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
