**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
