Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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