theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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