The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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