If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
