I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
