party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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