i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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