The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
