Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
