A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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