You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
