Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
