Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
