I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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