How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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