Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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