oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
