Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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