and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
