Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
