all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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